Directly from our medulla oblongata to your face!
YESS!!! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!
For those of you who have been waiting to see the new comedy duo of the 80s strut their stuff, THIS IS IT.
Prepare to be so pumped you don’t even know where you left your car keys or even if you have a fucking car! FUCKshit!
“I didn’t wanna resort to violence…”
I love you Steven.
Crank your speakers the fuck up and warn your relatives that you may be about to go crazy apeshit bonkers on account of being too pumped to even speak or breathe or order pizza. GAH!
IT’S NEW! IT’S IMPROVED! IT’S THE SPAZZERON 5000!
Say goodbye to kitchen waste!
Wave ta-ta to grinding gears!
Get the perfect amount of icing on your shoe-polish!
The new Spazzeron 5000 features 14,000,000 improvements over its predecessor, the Spizzazz 1000.
The nut-flange has been decreased.
The lube-catcher has been despoiled.
12 extra snap-tubes have been added to the rotating dicky foil.
Best of all, the underwater slagpile detector has been completely overhauled with the last in Burke-munching technology.
From now on, it’s smooth shaving all the way with the Spazzeron 5000! It’s the multi-tool that celebrities all over the world are calling “never call this number again.”
Use it to apply radioactive waste to pets!
Lost your doorstop? No problem! Use the Spazzeron to destroy the door in a single blast!
Forgot your hair wax? Simply attach the Killtron hose to the left side spriffer device et voila, your very own Mexican hairdresser complete with trombine and bow tie! (Sold separetely)
Vermin or common pests spoiling your tree-felling operation? Never fear! With a few minor modifications, the Spazzeron can act as a policeman, pair of gloves, or even a fully-functioning movie theatre.
Available in seven colours and fourteen different weight classes, you are strongly advised never to leave home without it! Especially if you are using the Spazzeron’s Artificial Lung function in which case if you leave home without it, you will die.
Only $14,34343333333333.67 available at abandoned pet rescue centers all over Greenland!
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