We open on a close up of a golden basketball, maniacal laughter is clearly heard blasting out of the speakers making your skin vibrate. Zoom out to reveal Doctor Dunk (Wesley Snipes) flying up into the air with the Robotic Harlem Globetrotters, flames protruding from his Golden ‘Nike air foshizlax’ trainers.
Clive Hoops (Chuck Norris) turns to camera and asks: “Can you fly a plane!?”
smiling with a look of dumb confidence Rodney (Dennis Rodman) replies: “…Like a Bird”
Clive Hoops: “What? that doesn’t make sense…birds can’t fly planes.”
Sir Dunks a lot (Stephen Hawkins): “He’s get-ing a-way!”
“This September…” crunches into your ears making your pancreas swell.
Clive Hoops states (Chuck Norris): “Ain’t nobody gonna take my dreams or my golden balls away from me Sucka – Let it Rain!!” before turning to take a three pointer shot from half way down the basketball court. Close up of the ball dropping through the net on fire. Clive Hoops turns to camera, smiles to reveal a gold platted tooth with a diamond encrusted basketball on it and states “…white chocolate.” Rodney (Dennis Rodman) exclaims “holy shit craker that was-”
KABOOOM!!!!!!!! The basketball court explodes tearing a hole in the side of a mountain in the swiss alps causing macedonia, mesapotamia and argentina to prolaps convulse and then invertilate TWICE!
“Prepare to be dunked on…”
Cut to Doctor Dunk (Wesley Snipes) with one arm outstretched holding a golden basketball with diamonds spelling out the words ‘slam dunk da funk’ on it “You and the Dunkettes are about to loose your panties for the last time Clive!”
Sir Dunks a lot (Stephen Hawkins) retorts “Do not come up in my face and be like ‘I am all that’ be-cause I am here to reprezent yo.”
backed up by Rodney (Dennis Rodman) “words bitch! f’sho nuthin but air there – WOO!”
at which point the Robotic Harlem Globe trotters grow an extra twelve inches as their red eyes burn brighter than ever before and start shooting lazers into the crowd surrounding the basketball court.
“Join Dennis Rodman and Chuck Norris in a stellar cast”
Cut to a muscular afro wearing robot slam dunking and sending plastic glass from a shattered backboard raining down on Sir Dunks a lot (Stephen Hawkins) who is crying. Cut to Clive hoops (Chuck Norris) standing on Rodney’s (Dennis Rodman) shoulders and missing a shot as Doctor Dunk (Wesley Snipes) sweeps Rodneys legs from under him causing Clive to land badly on Rodneys head, which slams into the floor making his teeth launch out his mouth followed by a shower of blood and a high pitched scream. Cut to Clive holding a bazooka with a basketball instead of a rocket, smoking a cigar. cut to Sir Dunks a lot crying. Back to Clive firing the bazooka at a small child who’s head explodes. Cut to Rodney being shoulder barged by a robotic harlem globe trotter impaling him on his spikey shoulder he stands and dribbles off with Rodney still stuck on his shoulder who is letting out another high pitched wail. Doctor Dunk and Clive Hoops Jump up into the air together to catch a rebound crushing Rodney between them who is already badly beaten, Clive treads on Sir Dunks a lots face as he looks up in awe.
The words “DUKES OF DUNKAGE!” Incinerate the screen burning the words into your retinas as your kidneys explode and your nose melts in, you shit all over the person next to you and their face melts as a fully grown guinea pig teleports right into the middle of your hemoglorax and also shits everywhere too. SHIT!
Fade to a diamond encrusted afro hurtling through space to the sound of Sir Dunks A lot (Steven Hawkins) Crying. FADE TO QUADRALANGULAR MAGENTA!
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