Directed by:
Colnel Percy “percibald” Fitsrovia
Writing credits:
Saddam Hussein
Steven Seagal
Tom Selleck
Genre:
Experimental Dance (more)
Tagline:
BONG – YOUR DEAD!
Time to die.
Plot Outline:
Timmy Time keeper (Tom Selleck) is a retired CIA operative turned clock maker. His idyllic Dutch lifestyle is turned upside down when Randolph Tarquin (Steven Seagal) opens a cheese shop in the same village selling swiss cheese watches… (more) (view trailer)
User Comments:
“I can’t look at swiss cheese or the dutch people in the same way…I mean, now I know how they make the holes I’ve no desire whatsoever to eat again. ever. fuck” – Gordon Ramsey.
“Seagal appears to move like some kind of velvet liquid. its beautiful. I… no ive lost it.” – Griff Tomlinson (age seven and three quarters.)
… (more)
User Rating:
3/12 (5000 votes)
Credited cast:
Timmy Time Keeper
Tom Selleck
Randolph Tarquin
Steven Seagal
Randolph Tarquin jr.
Chico “its chico time” Cheekophalous
Cheese Fairy 1
Graham Norton
Cheese Fairy 7 & 8
Janet Jackson
Isreali Gunmen
Alec Baldwin
Isreali Special forces head honcho
Apollo Creed
Chief of the CIA
Curly “Kip” kippersniffer the 4th
(more)
Also Known As:
TIME FOR DIE?! (IND)
Uzbekity da Gravel filmen pump nar Tarlax (GR)
Runtime:
USA: 12 min
Liverpool (ZAPOTASTIC): 6,254,555 min
Country:
Belgium / CHEZNIA REPUBLIC OF CHEZNEY HAWKS
Language:
Uzbek / Latvian / Engrish
Memorable Quotes:
Timmy Time Keeper (welling up): This is the most beautiful clock I’ve ever tasted
Randolph Tarquin jr.: Shit, sorry didn’t think you would still be naked.
Timmy Time Keeper: ….get out.
……………….
Timmy Time Keeper: I think we are going to be ok, just dont turn that valve whatever you do.
(the sound of machine exhaust and steam escaping can be heard)
Randolph Tarquin jr.: Sorry…thats bad right?
………………..
Isreali Special Forces Head Honcho: He was the greatest partner I ever had. I never saw a man so hungry for danger, so sexually virile, so permanently on the edge…
Timmy Time Keeper (in awe):… Yeah.
Isreali Special Forces Head Honcho: You think you’ve got what it takes to cut the cheese, cracker? coz if you havent, if you god damn, darn tooting think you haven’t. Then you may as well quit right now. Coz that mean machine, clock making bastard down the road is gonna eat your guts for breakfast and fart out your moustache – YA HEAR ME!?
Timmy Time Keeper (in awe):…shit.
………………..
Randolph Tarquin: Im gonna eat your guts for breakfast and fart out your moustache – YA HEAR ME TIMMY ASS WHIPPER!?
Timmy Time Keeper (hidding behind a goat at a nativity play):…shit.
………………..
Isreali Special Forces Head Honcho (firing a machine gun randomly into a crowd at a christmas bazaar at an idilic swiss village): AH HAHA HA HA!
Randolph Tarquin: Just like the old times eh Stevey boy?
Isreali Special Forces Head Honcho: Damn right! except this time your not fucking my wife! AH HA HA HA HA!
Randolph Tarquin (elbowing Timmy Time Keeper in the spleen): AH HA HA HA HA!
………………..
Chief of the CIA : how many more people have to Die for your second rate watches Glen?
Timmy Time Keeper: JEEZUS!
(A helicopter gunship lowers outside the window with Randolph Tarquin holding a gattling gun and smoking a cigar.)
Randolph Tarquin: Time to Die clock fag – your time is up!
(more)
………………..
Goofs:
• Factual errors: The swiss are a peace loving race of people, so why would they need a military style flamethrower factory or a helicopter gunship?
• Continuity error: In the scene where Timmy Time Keeper is trying to swallow his pocket watch his boner can clearly be seen protruding from under his desk. In the next scene he only has a semi.
• Factual errors: Swallowing a watch will not give you the ability to control time. It will however, give you a hernia.
• Revealing mistakes: During the choreographed dance scene, Randolph Tarquins legs are entirely computer generated, even when he is sitting down.
• Factual errors: Biting the head off a child and throwing its body will not cause it to explode like a hand grenade.
• Factual errors: Headbutting a mule will not make it give birth to Uri Geller or a cache of weapons and jungle traps.
Recent Comments