Directed by:
Melinda Craven
Writing credits:
Melinda Craven
Ronaldo Macdonaldo
Hercules B Awesome
Jules Verne (Via psychic medium.)
Genre:
Horror / Sci-Fi / Zombie / Time-travelling mega adventure (more)
Tagline:
Time to turn those dials…. TO ZOMBIE!!
Plot Outline:
In the early 19th century, a eunuch stumbles upon a fantastic machine with the abilty to send the user to the future! (Or past, whatever.) However, there’s a catch… A zombie catch! The time machine was in fact invented by zombies from pre-raphaelite India…
… (more) (view trailer)
User Comments:
“are they seriously claiming that jules verne was involved in this travesty and helped them write the script from beyond the grave?” - Timothy Jorlox
“Yes, we are.” - Melinda Craven
“Well, thats dumb.” Timothy Jorlox
“Why dont you come back to me when you have successfully released a movie that grossed over $1,545 at the box office, eh timmy boy?” - Melinda Craven
“so i need to direct a movie to tell you your shitty movie sux??” Timothy Jorlox
“Tell it to the crew over at MegaMAX Zombie Movie Review who gave me the runners up prize for best independent feature about zombies and time machines directed by a woman with at least 4 spastics in lead roles. Yeah, tell it to them, Timmy Boy.” - Melinda Craven
“did you just say spastics?” Timothy Jorlox
“Hacksaw jim duggan RULES! HORRRRR!” WWF-fan2005
… (more)
User Rating:
2/10 (5 votes)
Credited cast:
Malakai Zorbonne
Terry Tofflo
Gordon Londinium
John Gorlap
Og
Robert de Niro
Robo-man E-7766
Eddie Murphy
Phooeeaaeeaaaaooouuu
Pierce Brosnan
King Solomon
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Hitler
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Stalin
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Jesus
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Emperor Hirohito
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Bill Gates
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Woody Allen
(more)
Also Known As:
The Hacksaw Jim Duggan Show (Alberquerqe)
Ein Zombie-flitsch zer Clokspin (GER)
Runtime:
USA: 120 min
Luxembourg: 121 min
Country:
USA / ROMANIA
Language:
Prehistoric Dutch, Lower English, Zorflax.
Memorable Quotes:
Malakai Zorbonne: What ever is this strange device? A clock? An automobile? Some devilish combination of the two?
Gordon Londinium: We shall see, Malakai. Come, let us see now!
Malakai Zorbonne: Alas, forthwith see we shall.
……………….
Og (clubbing himself on the head with a club): Og. Og bog snogga rog.
Malakai Zorbonne: I think he’s trying to communicate.
Gordon Londinium: Are you sure it is a he?
(Malakai Zorbonne and Gordon Londinium inspect Og’s genitals for an extended period.)
Gordon Londinium: He appears to be a fully functioning male home-erectus.
Malakai Zorbonne (doing up his flies): Yes… very erectus!
(Malakai and Gordon laugh heartily)
……………….
Phooeeaaeeaaaaooouuu: I am nothing but a construct of light and energy and spirit.
Gordon Londinium: What have you done with Malakai you foul abomination!
Phooeeaaeeaaaaooouuu: Malakai is here with us.
Gordon Londinium (tears welling in his eyes): Malakai, you FOOL! I told you not to visit the future without me… I TOLD YOU!
Jesus (swinging a 2×4 towards Phooeeaaeeaaaaooouuu): Take that ya nebulous piece a crap!
Robo-man E-7766 (shooting Jesus in the face with a laser): That’s enough of that, cracker!
………………..
Hitler: How did ve get here?
Stalin: Dis appearsa to bea some kind of ole torn in de fabric ofa de space-time.
Jesus (smashing Hitler over the head with a plank of wood):
St. Paul, 3:12: Thou shalt remove the plank of wood from your own eye before complaining about the piece of sawdust in your fellow man’s, motherfucker.
(Stalin begins violating Hitler’s corpse)
Gordon Londinium (appearing from thin air): What! What are you doing you… animals! I didn’t bring you back to the future in order for you to act like common animals!
Robo-man E-7766 (shooting Gordon Londinium in the face with a laser): I AM NO ANIMAL, LONDINIUM!
………………..
Gordon Londinium (frantically eating a spoon): Must… eat… spoon…
Malakai Zorbonne (unzipping his flies and moving towards Gordon Malakai): Gordon… Gordon… What has become of you? It’s as if you don’t realise what is happening around you…
Gordon Londinium (trying to look at his own brain): Must look at… my own brain…
Malakai Zorbonne: You… you don’t know what is happening, do you? I could do anything I want and you wouldn’t remember… If we went back in time afterwards!
Gordon Londinium (scratching his armpits and jumping up and down): Must… scratch armpits… and jump up…. and down.
Malakai Zorbonne: Robo-man, set the time machine to pre-historia… I am taking Gordon on a little vacation! A… sexy vacation.
Robo-man E-7766 (sighing mechanically): Acknowledged.
Goofs:
• Factual errors: Winding a clock up backwards does not allow you to travel through time. Even if you wind it really, really fast.
• Incorrectly regarded as goofs: Malakai Zorbonne’s character displays clearly homosexual tendancies. The more observant among you will notice that homesexuality was not invented until tennis became popular in 1935. However, let’s not forget people, THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT TIME TRAVELING?!
• Revealing mistakes: The time machine’s tail is clearly visible flopping around on the floor throughout most of the movie.
• Miscellaneous: Hacksaw Jim Duggan ordered one pig every day to be sent to his trailer. At the end of filming, 427 pigs were found, unharmed but wild-eyed (and later found to be clinically sterile), huddling together and moaning quietly.
• Factual errors: The formula for turning back time is not “1 part audacity times the speed of light squared, divided by two handsome adventurers”. as quoted in the script.
• Continuity: Gordon Londinium’s nose moves around his face throughout the movie, at one time appearing sticking out of the barrel of his gun, before settling on his left knee-cap where it remains until the end of the movie.
• Revealing mistakes: Actor Terry Toflo’s prosthetic head is glaringly obvious in the love-making scenes.
• Continuity: Robo-man E-7766 smokes a cigarette in every scene. In scene 12b, the cigarette gets progressivley shorter in each take, but then suddenly gets longer towards the end of the scene. At frame 237, the cigarette, which should have been smoked down to the butt by now, is clearly the seven-metre erect penis of a whale
Insider Trivia:
• Cast and crew took 3 months of shooting before realising that Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s agent had accidentlally sent a horse dressed up as a cowboy instead of the real Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
• Actor’s Trademark: Terry Toflo eating his food through a straw coming out of his butthole.
• Upon seeing Woody Allen’s performance as Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Hacksaw Jim Duggan is said to have flown into a terrible rage and eaten twelve packets of crisps in a row. Once the crisps had been digested he later apologised to Woody Allen before ramming a plank of wood up his nose and patting him on the shoulder saying “There there, there there.”
• Actor’s Trademark: Pearce Brosnan self-harming when he doesn’t get his way.
• Director Trademark: People wearing hats made out of jellyfish.
• Music plays during important or significat scenes.
• The people playing the characters in the film are in fact professional actors; there is no Gordon Londinium, and they did not travel back in time to the 14 billion BC and invent cutlery.
• Director Trademark: Homosexual time-travelling adventurers save the world from catastrophe.
• Actor’s Trademark: Woody Allen’s eyeballs slowly drooping out of his head.
• Director Trademark: Trapdoors slamming shut on character’s balls
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