Director:Paul Daniels
Writers:Ronaldo Hymelich / Jean Claude Van Damme
Genre: Thriller / Action / Sci-fi / Romance
Cast
Max Killhoof: Jean Claude Van Damme
Sinbad Tendril: Steven Seagal
Lt. Feltard Mandible: Chuck Norris
Senator Crandle: Timothy Dalton
Rajal spoontarp junior: Gary Coleman
Rajal spoontarp senior: James Earl Jones
filmed in Hilariovision 5.2
plot outline: In the future of 1997 time travel has become a reality for a select few. Senator Crandle hopes to rig the 1987 elections and become president of the USA before anyone else gets the idea. Special Time Squad Police constables Sinbad Tendril (Steven Seagal) and Leutenant Feltard Mandible (Chuck Norris) have to take down Senator Crandle without bumping into their former, trigger happy selves.
tag line: If at first you don’t succeed…go back in time again!
A ball of blue lightning eminates from behind a dustbin in a dark alley accompanied by a zorting sound, Leutenant Feltard Mandible slumped and naked on the floor reaches for a newspaper and says: “wow…1987, I … we made it.”
Sinbad Tendril (stepping through the time portal): “Yeah, but why are you naked?”
(scientists can be seen through the time portal laughing and pointing)
Feltard Mandible: “the scientists they told me that…oh brother!”
—————
Future Feltard Mandible shouting at 1980’s Feltard Mandible from behind an oil drum: “Give up dip shit you could seriously get hurt.”
1980’s Feltard Mandible crouching behind a Cadillac, reloading his Magnum: “Unlikely dic-head besides if your really me then what am i thinking right now?”
Future Feltard Mandible: “Thats not how it works MO-R-ON this is time travel not telapathy. Jeezus i was stupid.”
out of nowhere future Sinbad Tendril jumps out and kicks 1980’s Feltard Mandible in the knee snapping his leg at the shin.
Future and 1980’s Feltard Mandible simultaneously drop to the floor clutching their legs: “JEEEEEEEEEEEZUS!!!!!!!!”
—————
Sinbad Tendril siddling up to a poster of a chimpanzee in a dress with the words “The inner chimp book signing tonight!”
“Well theres no sign of Senator Crandle I think I’m gonna hit the hay…hows your leg by the way?”
Feltard Mandible: “You’re an idiot”
Sinbad Tendril: “Right, ya know I’m not that tired anymore I think I may just head into town meet ya back at the hotel later. Don’t do anything stupid”
—————
Lt. Feltard Mandible: “Ah fuck …we’ve fucked up time and space. This is exactly what those geeks were telling us not to do. SHIT!!!”
—————-
A monkey holding a clip board and wearing a lab coat: “Now Killhoof, we’re sending you back to fix what those idiots have done, I mean lets face it, it can’t possibly get any worse than this, we’re all monkeys for chris’ sake.”
Max Killhoof (Jean Claude Van Damme): “You can count on me doc…(stepping towards the time portal) and tell wendy I love her.”
cut to a monkey wearing a dress under a lab coat checking various computer read outs, scrawled on her name tag is the name Wendy…shes wearing a wedding ring.
—————-
Senator Crandle: “You see, I’m an ambitious Harvard-educated visionary who deserves to be the most powerful man in the world and you… you’re a fucking idiot who never figured out that the only way to make anything of himself with all that fancy kicking was on Broadway.”
Max Killhoof: “Thanks for clearing that up…prick.”
—————–
[as he kicks Senator Crandle in the brain]
Max Killhoof: “I’m still kicking. I must be on Broadway!”
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