Scene 1, exterior, night, lunchtime, interior, cumshot.
Swarcheneggler is playing the part of Mandron Tullshlarb, an ex CIA FBI SPecial Forces NAvy SEAL Army RODENT assassin Squadron Hairdresser Commander. The scene opens on a long, slow panning shot of a cold place with loads of snow and/or ice flying around the place, including hail. In the centre of a screen we can see a lone figure of this guy who is about 7 feet tall and 4 feet wide. Zlow zoom in on the figure, which you realise is headbutting a large tree and simultanously (at the same time) mule kicking a bunch of angry wolves behind him. The wolves are trying pretty hard to eat / hunt him, but he is kicking them hard. The tree isn’t doing anything except getting headbutted hard. Suddenly cut to the guy’s face (swarcheneggler) who is grinning HARD!
Mandron (in austrian accent) I LOVE MY JOB
WOLVES ( in wolf accent) WOOO ! AROOO WOO! (explode)
Mandron (hungarian accent) I KILL YOU HARD!
The scene ends with Mandron lightly stamping on the wolve carcasses and headbutting the tree 58 more times. A mysterious helicopter arrives out of nowhere, squashing a church and landing on the snowy snow snow. Some military commander type guy backflips out of the helicpoter and runs in a non jerky manner towards Mandron. He is obviously here for one last job… (cue pump up music……….)
Pump up music is now playing at a scale of 4.7 being Rumstein, a german metal band no one likes but cant help getting pumped by. The miltary commando type guy is played in this scene by Keifer Sutherland, and hes totally here for that one last job. He does a standing backflip infront of Mandron and Salutes quite hard.
Mandron: (Austro hungarian accent) Here you are at laaast old buddy!
Keifer : (One eye brow falls off from the salute)You Old dog I thought the CIA, FBI Police Squad (pigs) had you pushing pens back in Washington till next June! (obviously an inside Joke)
Mandron: (French accent) AH HA HA HA HA Your Right but i pushed those pens…
(Mandron and Keifer in unison) RIGHT UP THERE ASSHOLES!
They both laugh again for about five minutes, what seems like ages, because they are so cool and then they smoke stogies (big cigars) Then they cartwheel over to the helicopter where a bunch of other beefcake guys are smoking HARD. The pump up music is now at around 7ish being a really cool song that makes you want to pop a huge boner and air guitar at the same time. All the beefcakes high five pretty hard, one of them gets inverted by Mandrons high five, then they take off in the helicopter really really fucksoi898 HARD!!!!!
They are flying along in the helicopter. Mandron is chewing like 15 cigars and painting his boner camouflage colours. So he turns around to the Captain:
Madron : ( in eskimo accent) : SO SAAARRGE, what is the operation?
SARGE: (in purple monkey accent) : WELL we have to GO to this abadnonded research facility and kill the president of it who is really an alien and rescue your DAUGHTER whilst simultanouesly foiling a plot for wolrd domination and KILLING A BUNCH OF generic TERORIST FUCKS HARD!
Mandron (in german accent) : SVEEET!
They high five semi-hard about 12 times. One of the other marine sharpshooter killer squadron guys picks his nose but accidentally pulls his brain out, withers then slides out of the side of the hecilopter before exploding in mid air. This causes the rest of the police cops to high five and giggle like schoolgirls. Just then a RPG (rocket pooping Grenade) screeches through the air. Mandron catches it between his nipples (which are protruding HARD) and crushes it up into a tiny package. His nipples flip it up into his mouth and he chomps it hard. The other guys are totally impressed, i mean like this one guy is so overjoyed that he wiggles around until his sphincter prolapses and then his left ventricle fluctuates before haveing an epileptic attack twice. The other guys piss on his corpse for about ten minutes.
BEGIN PUMP UP MUSIC!
NIght falls and the helicopter is still whirring around the planet.
MADNRON: (in polish accent) UH, when the fuck are we going to get there?
SARGE: (in american accent) WHERE do you MEAN, parnter?
MANDRON: (still polish) I mean when the fuck am i going to get to killl some mother fuckers?
SARGE: (french acent) : all in good time my leetle friend.
Mandron decides in the blink of an eye to kill the sarge right the hell now. He stands up and pops his camouflaged boner right in the sarge’s face. But the sarge is actually pretty strong and pops his own boner right back!! ! ! just then, a red light starts flashing indicating that they are nearing the drop zone…
Mandron decides in the blink of an eye to kill the sarge right the hell now. He stands up and pops his camouflaged boner right in the sarge’s face. But the sarge is actually pretty strong and pops his own boner right back!! ! ! just then, a red light starts flashing indicating that they are nearing the drop zone…
The drop zone is actually a bunch of fucking trees and stuff so the police sniper commando space team have to stop popping boners and get the fuck on with the infiltration. NOW. The Sarge extends his jaw forwards against Mandrons chest whilst gritting his teeth and chewing about twelve cigars and says: “Real firish dish ratter!”
Mandron punches the flashing red drop zone button so hard then jumps out of the helicopter while the rest of the guys use the ropes. PANSIES! FUCK!SHIT IM SO PUMPED THAT I CAN BARELY SEE!
The Police space commando patrol all get down safely and are thinkin where the fuck is Mandron when right then all of a sudden Mandron comes out from behind a giant bush holding twenty machine guns and knives and grenades and SHIT!! !?! Then the Sarge does the same thing except with at least seven bazookas and a flamethrower. Everyone in the team high five pretty hard. Then Mandron and the Sarge frown and chew on loads of Cigars again. Then they laugh in Austrian. (HARD)
Then Mandron pulls the pin on a grenade and eats it…they all start digging a big hole in the ground because the GPS (global poop-sitioning satellite) says : They are right fucking on top of it!!!
TBC…
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