January edition of Spoon Collectors Wives with Dr Hobo

Good fortles and welcome to another edition of spoon collectors wives with Dr.Hobo. In this afternortlings edition I will be hosting a special interview with my estimed colleague MMABJJ Mr Martle bart P Benyortle the 12fth(matt). I must say that Im looking forward to getting an incite into the inner workings of his underpants even if he does wear them as some sort of cravat.

Well here we go:

1) In the late 80’s AFHUNGEXPART (Afro Hunfgarian Existential Poetry art movement) exploded onto the forehead of the public, what was your most memorable moment of that period. If you have one?

2.3) If you could be any item of cutlery what would you be?

3) If orange is cat and dog is tulip, what is curtl?

Q) How many fingers am I holding up?

5) Stockings or Garters?

fig 11b) Croydon, Discuss.

SECTION 12-ANAMORPHIC PRESSURE ) After making a lateral incision to the cortical hemisphere, the hamster nebula is clearly visible through the translucent lower membrane of the gooch or goochsh. name two other types of incision.

8 and 3/4s) I am 11 in 15 years, how tall am I?

nine) TANK TOPS – Wesley Snipes or Ronald Ragen.

10) Thou shalt not covert thy neighbours Donkey. What also shalt thoueth not covert?

Vi) Complete the following “if you —– an elephant you are obviously —–.”

11) Lader Hosen or Panteloons? Loot or flute? (for double points)

Well thanks for tuning in, thats all for this week, next week we’ll be taking a closer look at marbles and how they are grown in a small boys inner ear in devon.

So long and safe spooning!

Awesome

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Yes.

Interview questions for Dr. Hobo.

Good eventide Mr. Doctor.

I’d like to thank you most begrudginly for previously disagreeing to agree on answering this questionnaire, and having large, pointy front teeth and small beady eyes. Thanks.

This questionnaire will allow readers to get a little bit of an insight into what makes Dr. Hobo tick, and will also make your voice go all thin and reedy like a prepubescant choir boy with his nuts crushed in his underpants drawer with a shilip-BAP! noise.

Onto the questions.

1) Hello. What?

2) No, I’m sorry. I just thought you said something. How’s that?

3) If you were a large piece of Camombert cheese, what kind of safety precautions would you take, or not take?

4) How many are there?

5) Complete the sentence: “A man is only as ____ as his ____ ” and indicate where the errors are and why.

6) (ignore this question.) How many times per lunar cycle do you poop?

7) (answer this question in hebrew, please.) Word association: Chag

When are “trousers”? (you must construct your answering using only the names of dogs in the Shakespearian English style. )

9) How big was it, and why?

10) What is the opposite of Stoat?

11) Good.

12) Why is hole?

13) A man walks into a bar. He has a chicken under each arm, and he is lactating, badly. Discuss.

14) Repeat above, only the man is now a woman, and instead of lactating, he/she is slowly forcing her legs into a meat grinder. How?

15) What gives? (Hint: laundromat.)

16) You see a turtle having a stroll on a beach. Do you:
a) stamp the turtles brains out
b) stomp the turtles brains out
c) shlump the turtles brains off
d) grout the tuntles broons up
e) chank the skurtles brines in
f) purchase the latest copy of “Waltham Enquirer” and read it on a bench with a nice cup of tea
g) all of the above
h) none of the above
i) trick question – turtles are imaginary creatures
j) other – please specify

17) Anything you would like to add?

18) Subtract?

19) You are in a car travelling at 70 m.p.h. and you run over a yak. The yak was running in the opposite direction at 13 m.p.h. and had just polished off a dinner of radishes and grass. I just thought I’d let you know.

29) Imitate a donkey bray.

2) (Free space)

b) Unnecessary question.

122) Message from our sponsors.

The end! I look forward to digesting your replies and then crapping them out.

Darstle-o-farple tarps family pack

We open on a man holding his bowels. Close up of his hands clutching his bowels accompanied by
Sound effect: a herd of stempeding marmosets and cowboys yiping and shooting their guns in the air.
Titles: The Harbour Town of Nerfarbadad Circa 1874.

Slow pan up to the mans miserable face.
Sound effect: An elephant trumpeting.
Voice over: “Inverted Guteral Tract?”

Man Nods.

Cut to an eight year old boy with a baseball cap on sideways, his hands clamped around his sternum. Close up of his hands holding his bowels now
Sound effect: A helicopter landing on a shed.
Titles: The spiritual birthplace of Neo Babylonian cuisine – 57AD.

Pan up to the boys sweaty face
Sound effect: Five shaven Chimpanzees stomping on a typewriter.
Voice over: “Prolapsed Sphincter?”

Boy Nods.

Wide angle to show the man and boy both clearly about to evacuate their bowels right the hell now (hard).
Voice over: “YOU NEED – Darstle-o-farple tarps family pack!”

cut to a man pumping up a bicycle tyre, changing spark plugs in a fridge, sharpening pencils in a forest, being chased by an enraged baboon, eating a cake on a log, fashioning a flute out of a wooden clog accompanied by
Voice over: “Simply pour the contents into a yaks bladder, bring to the boil, simmer, stir and serve in a Paleontologists master bedroom”

Boy states:
“Cock Farts – I shit em”

fade to naked.

Commercial Break

Wide angle shot of a woman walking down a windy street holding her coat tight around herself.

Voiceover:
Don’t you just hate windy days?

Close up of the woman nodding her head vigourously.

Voiceover:
Sometimes, don’t you just wish you could control the weather?

Even harder, more vigorous nods from the woman with the sound effects of an elephant jumping on a squeaky bed.

Voiceover:
In fact, wouldn’t you give anything to be able to command the heavens?

Womans head bounces up and down like crazy with some noises that sound like a combination of a Yak vomiting on a group of hens, a donkey braying like crazy and a prison inmate slamming giant blocks of ice into his nutsack repeatedly. The womans head suddenly falls off but remains attached to her body by a single strand of multi-coloured silly string.

Dog ambles on screen, sniffs at the severed head, lifts its leg to pee, and then explodes twice.

Fourteen mongolian stoat-wranglers appear on the scene whirling lassoos around their head and saying “yeehaaarrr” pretty damn loud.

“NEW IMPROVED”
Slams onto the screen so hard it cracks a little bit.

“SNART BARS!”
Chunks onto the screen beneath it with a picture of a long, thin chocolate bar.

Note: this ad will cause your hair follicles to turn around and start growing inwards instead of out so don’t be alarmed by the tickly, itchy, incredibly painful sensation you will soon feel all over your body. Okay, maybe just a little bit alarmed. In fact, I’d call the doctor about now. Or if you want to save time, a funeral home would be best. Either way, I’m just saying.