1) Hello. What?
Yes… Im sorry wh-?
2) No, I’m sorry. I just thought you said something. How’s that?
No huh…when??
3) If you were a large piece of Camombert cheese, what kind of safety precautions would you take, or not take?
Action is the only option here action and haste! But we must be careful and proceed with caution…probably very slowly, quietly with as little action as possible so as not to raise the alarm.
4) How many are there?
Seven there were always only seven. But they’re supposed to look like that so. you know. just seven…oh wait six!
5) Complete the sentence: “A man is only as ____ as his ____ ” and indicate where the errors are and why.
“A man is only as __cumbersum___ as his __Uncle’s blunderbust__ ” the errors are here and heare and move in a circular motion thusly and are two fold in their execution. Its obvious when you think about it really.
6) (ignore this question.) How many times per lunar cycle do you poop?
7) (answer this question in hebrew, please.) Word association: Chag
Flandrepar.
8 ) When are “trousers”? (you must construct your answering using only the names of dogs in the Shakespearian English style. )
on the eve of the fortlring of your stup mothers uncles first aunt. fortlebad.
9) How big was it, and why?
It was yay big and thus high, for reasons Id rather not divulge.
10) What is the opposite of Stoat?
Toast
11) Good.
Yes thats good isnt it.
12) Why is hole?
because boat is who?
13) A man walks into a bar. He has a chicken under each arm, and he is lactating, badly. Discuss.
Wouldnt touch this one with a barge pole. Its a political minefield filled with Gorgonzola and Mascarpone.
14) Repeat above, only the man is now a woman, and instead of lactating, he/she is slowly forcing her legs into a meat grinder. How?
Again. no comment.
15) What gives? (Hint: laundromat.)
Spungarple. Starps.
16) You see a turtle having a stroll on a beach. Do you:
a) stamp the turtles brains out
b) stomp the turtles brains out
c) shlump the turtles brains off
d) grout the tuntles broons up
e) chank the skurtles brines in
f) purchase the latest copy of “Waltham Enquirer” and read it on a bench with a nice cup of tea
g) all of the above
h) none of the above
i) trick question – turtles are imaginary creatures
j) other – please specify
e) chank the skurtles brines in
17) Anything you would like to add?
nope.
18) Subtract?
yes. the whole bit about camombert, i regret that deeply.
19) You are in a car travelling at 70 m.p.h. and you run over a yak. The yak was running in the opposite direction at 13 m.p.h. and had just polished off a dinner of radishes and grass. I just thought I’d let you know.
Thanks, ive just filed that one neatly in the u bend.
29) Imitate a donkey bray.
http://members.shaw.ca/statistic/pictures/Donkey-4.jpg
2) (Free space)
b) Unnecessary question.
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