Good eventide Mr. Doctor.
I’d like to thank you most begrudginly for previously disagreeing to agree on answering this questionnaire, and having large, pointy front teeth and small beady eyes. Thanks.
This questionnaire will allow readers to get a little bit of an insight into what makes Dr. Hobo tick, and will also make your voice go all thin and reedy like a prepubescant choir boy with his nuts crushed in his underpants drawer with a shilip-BAP! noise.
Onto the questions.
1) Hello. What?
2) No, I’m sorry. I just thought you said something. How’s that?
3) If you were a large piece of Camombert cheese, what kind of safety precautions would you take, or not take?
4) How many are there?
5) Complete the sentence: “A man is only as ____ as his ____ ” and indicate where the errors are and why.
6) (ignore this question.) How many times per lunar cycle do you poop?
7) (answer this question in hebrew, please.) Word association: Chag 
When are “trousers”? (you must construct your answering using only the names of dogs in the Shakespearian English style. )
9) How big was it, and why?
10) What is the opposite of Stoat?
11) Good.
12) Why is hole?
13) A man walks into a bar. He has a chicken under each arm, and he is lactating, badly. Discuss.
14) Repeat above, only the man is now a woman, and instead of lactating, he/she is slowly forcing her legs into a meat grinder. How?
15) What gives? (Hint: laundromat.)
16) You see a turtle having a stroll on a beach. Do you:
a) stamp the turtles brains out
b) stomp the turtles brains out
c) shlump the turtles brains off
d) grout the tuntles broons up
e) chank the skurtles brines in
f) purchase the latest copy of “Waltham Enquirer” and read it on a bench with a nice cup of tea
g) all of the above
h) none of the above
i) trick question - turtles are imaginary creatures
j) other - please specify
17) Anything you would like to add?
1 Subtract?
19) You are in a car travelling at 70 m.p.h. and you run over a yak. The yak was running in the opposite direction at 13 m.p.h. and had just polished off a dinner of radishes and grass. I just thought I’d let you know.
29) Imitate a donkey bray.
2) (Free space)
b) Unnecessary question.
122) Message from our sponsors.
The end! I look forward to digesting your replies and then crapping them out.
1 - Correct
2 - Quite.
3 - Correct (probably)
4 - The correct answer was “There’s a particle accelarator stuck up my nose” however I will accept 7.
5 - Perfectamundo.
7 - Correct - although “skalrog” and “tardle spunge” would have been completely wrong.
8 - Snart.
Now answer the rest!
9) It was yay big and thus high, for reasons Id rather not divulge.
10) Toast
11) Yes thats good isnt it.
12) because boat is who?
13) Wouldnt touch this one with a barge pole. Its a political minefield filled with Gorgonzola and Mascarpone.
14) Again. no comment.
15) Spungarple. Starps.
16) e) chank the skurtles brines in
17) nope.
1
yes. the whole bit about camombert.
19) Thanks, ive just filled that one neatly in the u bend.
29) http://members.shaw.ca/statistic/pictures/Donkey-4.jpg
122) Quivering Lower Sphinctoral tract? Convulvulated trumpet valve? Porcelain Liver syndrome? You are obviously about to die…why not invest literally hundreds of pounds on adopting a turnip child!? This fashionable accessory for your home now comes in three exciting new styles; orange, bethoven and potatoe. order now while stocks last! just dial 555-turnip.