We open on a man holding his bowels. Close up of his hands clutching his bowels accompanied by
Sound effect: a herd of stempeding marmosets and cowboys yiping and shooting their guns in the air.
Titles: The Harbour Town of Nerfarbadad Circa 1874.
Slow pan up to the mans miserable face.
Sound effect: An elephant trumpeting.
Voice over: “Inverted Guteral Tract?”
Man Nods.
Cut to an eight year old boy with a baseball cap on sideways, his hands clamped around his sternum. Close up of his hands holding his bowels now
Sound effect: A helicopter landing on a shed.
Titles: The spiritual birthplace of Neo Babylonian cuisine – 57AD.
Pan up to the boys sweaty face
Sound effect: Five shaven Chimpanzees stomping on a typewriter.
Voice over: “Prolapsed Sphincter?”
Boy Nods.
Wide angle to show the man and boy both clearly about to evacuate their bowels right the hell now (hard).
Voice over: “YOU NEED – Darstle-o-farple tarps family pack!”
cut to a man pumping up a bicycle tyre, changing spark plugs in a fridge, sharpening pencils in a forest, being chased by an enraged baboon, eating a cake on a log, fashioning a flute out of a wooden clog accompanied by
Voice over: “Simply pour the contents into a yaks bladder, bring to the boil, simmer, stir and serve in a Paleontologists master bedroom”
Boy states:
“Cock Farts – I shit em”
fade to naked.
I’m crying! CRYING I TELL YOU!